Cancer Support Advice for Spouses

Cancer Support Advice for Spouses

The instant you find out that your spouse has cancer, your role changes - and you no doubt experience a roller-coaster of emotions ranging from strength to despair to guilt. This page aims to provide cancer support advice for spouses - and who better to provide that advice than others that have been in your position?

This is what men and women who have been in your shoes had to say about their experiences:

"At first, I couldn't stop feeling guilty. Not that I had done anything to cause her to get cancer, but because I couldn't do more to help her get better. I would have given anything to switch places with her - I wanted to fight the cancer for her. After a while, I realized that feeling guilty wasn't doing anything to help the situation, so I put that behind me and focused on something I really did have control over - staying positive and making sure she knew I was going to be there for her every step of the way."

- Dave from Omaha, NE, United States

"My wife was really upset about losing her hair. She hated wearing wigs and hats, but she didn't want anyone seeing her bald - including me! That really bothered me because we had always had a rock solid relationship, and I couldn't understand why she wouldn't let me see her without hair - it's just hair. Finally, it occurred to me that arguing with her about letting me see her bald wasn't doing either one of us any good. So I shaved my head. A few days later, she came out of the bathroom without anything on her head, and I knew then the true power of the phrase 'If you can't beat them, join them!'"

- Stan from Maple Grove, MN, United States

"When my husband was diagnosed with an advanced stage of cancer, we knew the odds were not in his favor. We stayed positive, though, and made the most of our time together. We talked and laughed and made more memories in the last five months of his life than we had in our 16 years of marriage. I hate that he's gone and that it took something like cancer to bring out the best in our relationship, but I'm thankful that we made the most of those last five months together."

- Cindy from Jacksonville, FL, United States

"This might be a little blunt, but I'm going to come right out and talk about it because it's one of the things I wondered about when my girlfriend was first diagnosed with cancer - having intercourse during chemo treatments. There's a good chance your partner is not going to be in the mood to have intercourse during chemo. So don't push it. And let her know that it's okay that she's not in the mood. Also, if your partner IS in the mood while going through chemo, then get one of those lube products because - well, just trust me on that one."

- Joe from Chicago, IL, United States

"My wife is a survivor of non-hodgkins lymphoma. Having children is something we always wanted to do, but we found out that because of the treatments she went through, she is unable to get pregnant. At first we were both devastated...but then we decided that instead of being upset, we should focus on finding a solution. We recently adopted two wonderful little boys from Russia, and we couldn't be happier. I guess my advice to others out there is to be open to alternative ways to bring children into your family if cancer causes your significant other to become infertile...there's a light at the end of the tunnel."

- James from Vancouver, BC, Canada

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